As a young girl I had dreams of what I wanted to be when I grew up….a teacher, a writer, a singer, an actress and then a social worker. The ideas changed and the dreams changed as I grew and learned more about myself and the world around me.
But there was one dream that never changed….. that of being a mother. From a very young age I dreamed of having my own children and being a mom. Of course my dream of becoming a mom was for selfish reasons….I wanted to love and be loved. And I knew that having a child of my own, then I would be loved, unconditionally.
At my very core, the core of all that I am, I wanted to be a mom!
I was 20 years old when I became a mom for the first time. From the day I was told that I was pregnant, I loved my son. I was thrilled, excited and scared. When he was born and placed in my arms, my heart melted.
I never knew a person could love so deeply so instantaneously!
And then, five years later, I became a mom for the second time. And, like with his older brother, I loved him before he was born. When my youngest son was born, my heart melted again….Never could I imagine loving so deeply, so instantaneously…not once, but twice in my lifetime!
My dream to be a mom had come true!
My greatest joy in life has been being their mother. Reading to them, traveling with them, exploring with them, playing games, running outside, playing in the sand, laughing with them, crying with them and watching them grow and learn and develop into individuals with their own thoughts and personalities!
Each of my boys is a caring, big hearted individual..… they both are smart, curious and adventurous…… they both make me laugh with their corny sense of humor they got from their dad (which I love about all of them, even when I am rolling my eyes)…. They each challenge me to look at the world differently….. and they each have their own passions and opinions about the world around us and I am so thankful they do. I am proud that they think for themselves and challenge me to think differently and see differently.
I am so proud of my boys!
I love my boys deeply and unconditionally!
I was not and am not perfect as a mother…. No one gives us a manual to tell us exactly what to do and when we should do it. I yelled too much, I helicoptered at times, and I didn’t always know what I should do or how to help these boys of mine to grow up into men. I loved and I worried…about them and about whether or not I was screwing them up…. I did the best I could do, knowing what I knew then.
But I know deep inside me at the very core, that I did do one thing right with my boys, the thing I promised myself I would do as a mom…. I hugged my boys, I made sure they knew they were loved and that they were wanted.
Today, I am so blessed to be mom to these two men.
Oh my, what joy they have brought into my life!
And today, as we celebrate mother’s everywhere, I am reminded of how blessed my life is and how much richer my life is because of the gifts God sent me in the form of my two boys, my babies!