One year. What a different day today is.
One year ago today began with deep dread in the pit of my stomach. Would things go well? Would the judge see the improvements? Would my son be going back to jail, a jail where he would not receive his medicine?
One year ago today I was driving with my son to another county, north of us, and my husband, who is a teacher, had to be at work (it was the first day back for teachers). It was really hard for my husband to not be there with us and to wait for word from me on how the day went, not knowing if our son would be coming home with me.
The drive was long. The day was extremely difficult.
One year ago today, my son was granted his probation reinstatement. We were relieved! Still facing more charges in our county, but this case was done. Relief.
And here we are today, one year later.
One year later and my husband is back at work, some things don’t change. But instead of worrying about us and waiting for word from me on how things would go, he spent the day in training and thinking about and planning for the return of his students next week.
One year later and my son and I were in the car again this morning, only it was a short drive to the clinic and home. And then errands for me. Much different! Instead of dreading the day and worrying about my son I was planning meals and cleaning house and even found time to sign up for a 5k.
One year later and my son was not worrying about jail time… his only worry was whether or not the pool was warm enough or to warm. He was cleaning his room (YES! Miracles do happen!) And he was not stressed, looking forward to the day when he can finally move away and be on his own near his friends.
One year later and it is a much better day. My son is doing well. He is here at home, talking to us, and participating most of the time in our family.
Are things perfect? NOT AT ALL! But compared to where we were a year ago, today is a GREAT day! The sun is shining, I didn’t have to drive north, my son had a great conversation with me and is taking care of his cats today…. And he swam.
There are still tough days. But nothing compares to the difficulty of the year leading up to this day last year. Nothing compares to last summers nightmare or the years before.
I am ready to start sharing the lessons learned and will be writing about them over the next week and sharing here with all of you, in the hopes that sharing the lessons will help someone… anyone…. Just one.
But for today…. It is a good day!
And I am trying to stop the worry that was the base of every single day for years. I am trying to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop while holding my breath. And trying, really hard, to just appreciate and enjoy the days that are good and to find the good in the days that are a little harder. Because NOTHING these days is as hard as the past few years were. And my son is still here. Still clean. And getting help.
One year. What a difference a year makes!